Nine months ago, I returned to work after my second maternity leave. As I approached this milestone (the amount of time it took to make the baby that led to maternity leave!), I sat down to reflect on what still holds true and the new lessons I learned.
On Expectations
When I returned to work for the second time, I knew how important it would be to lower my expectations. And oh my goodness, was I right. While it was mentally much easier to return to work the second time around, the logistics were twice as challenging. Each day was (and still is) a juggling act. For the first few months, I was still nursing and pumping, which required time and energy (during and beyond the workday), each child had their own schedule, and I was still up multiple times each night. All of this, coupled with two kids who were constantly getting sick, required my expectations to go way down. Those first few months? They were about surviving. Nine months later, I feel like while I’m exhausted most of the time, I have found a new groove. I’ve raised my expectations – a bit – and am excited to push myself to the next level in my career and at home.
On Boundaries
Boundaries are becoming increasingly important to me, and allow me to be a great mom and a great leader. After my first maternity leave, I slowly let those boundaries down and found myself working outside of my normal hours fairly often. Nine months into my second return? Those boundaries are stronger than ever. And that’s mostly because I don’t have time to work beyond my normal hours. Now, it is important to acknowledge, that I am completely fine with a “steady state” in my career. Before kids, I was always working hard toward the next promotion or getting on that next stage to speak, or whatever milestone it was. Now, while I work incredibly hard and love my job, I am content to just move ahead slowly and surely, while I manage this incredibly challenging moment – two young kids – in my life.
On Organization
I continue to be obsessed with the organization – it grounds me and helps me move through all the things I need to do, both at work and at home. Now that I have a more predictable schedule, it has become easier to stay organized. Each and every morning, I map out the three most important things for the day, the rest of my to-do’s, and my general schedule (including things like working out, or getting laundry done). This helps me balance everything and make sure I’m making progress. I can imagine that as my children grow, this will become ever more important, with schedules becoming increasingly complex. If you are just returning from maternity leave, remember to give yourself a break. You will get organized again (if that’s your thing!) but it will take time.
On Asking For What You Need
Oh, this one still resonates so much. We continue to find ourselves in a collectively challenging moment in time, which makes it all the more important to ask for what we need. Whether it’s accommodation at work, more help at home, or something from a friend – ask. Don’t get me wrong, it is hard to ask for help – and we won’t always get what we need. But, the practice of it can push us in the right direction. And, when you aren’t getting what you need after asking? Then it just might be time for a change.
On Emotions
When I first wrote about emotions, I shared that it is okay to feel excited to return to work, it is okay to feel overwhelmed, it is okay to feel happy, and it is okay to feel sad. The emotion I feel most often these days is relief. When I go to work, I feel relieved and excited to use my brain in a different way. And when I’m done? I feel relieved that I can let it all go and focus on my family. Let this be a continued reminder that when it comes to motherhood, all emotions are welcome – and whatever it is you are feeling, you are not alone.
Love this, Kate. Much of it resonates with me. Lovely job!