In honor of Infertility Awareness Week, I wanted to share a positive outcome of a decade of infertility. I am now a momma to four beautiful children all born from IVF. Infertility defined my life, my every move for the last 10+ years. It affected my marriage, my career, my friendships, my health, and so much more. Recently, the door to this chapter of our story has closed, but the truth is, the rawness of it all is still very real.
Sometimes I find myself in a puddle of tears thinking about
everything we went through to get our miracles.
The 2022 version of our family is what my dreams were made of for years, but people often assume that when they see a big family like ours, that we don’t understand how birth control works! Sorry, but that is so far from the truth.
The chatter I hear when walking around Target by myself with four kids, or the close friends or family who thought they were saying the right thing. It still hurts even after our miracles because I feel like we got lucky. Sometimes I want to wear infertility like a badge of honor for everyone to see, so they can see that it didn’t just happen for us.
No one sees the hundreds of needles, pills, ultrasounds, and procedures. They don’t see the miscarriages, the depression, the setbacks, or the multiple IVF cycles. My coworkers had no idea I was driving 45 minutes out of the way at 5 AM for monitoring appointments because I would still be the first person in the office.
Just because the cover of our story is so beautiful, doesn’t mean there isn’t sadness, tragedy, and heartbreak inside.
While going through it, I didn’t share our struggles because of the shame and embarrassment I carried. No one saw my determination, grit, and focus. No one saw me fall in love with my husband harder than I could have ever imagined because of his undeniable love and unwavering support. When they said it was impossible, the fire inside me grew to prove them wrong, and boy did I.
I didn’t choose infertility, it chose us.
It will forever be a part of our story, of our children’s stories. Infertility is a different battle for each person, but we all share the same grit and desire to be someone’s parent. Fortunately for us, it worked, but it doesn’t always happen that way, so for that, I am forever grateful.
