After having 2 kids in 3 years, my body is a little heavier, a little curvier, and a little saggier than it was before. Some days it doesn’t bother me at all. On other days, I feel pretty down about it. I’ve thought a lot (maybe too much?) about this. I realize this is about more than just wanting to lose the baby weight. It’s also about new wrinkles and gray hairs that have developed while I’ve been too busy to notice. My wardrobe is full of easy and affordable clothing that I don’t love, but I am trying to learn to love my new mom bod.
But the truth is, I don’t recognize this body.
I’ve only been a mom for a few years, and after a solid decade in a different adult body with a different adult life, I’m still adjusting. And I don’t think I’m alone in this feeling. I want to share what I’ve been focusing on to learn to love and appreciate this new body.
Thinking about life in seasons
Increasingly, I’m thinking about life in seasons. Right now, my focus is on raising two small children. I’m not vying for a big promotion at work, I’m not training for any long-distance running races, and I’m not planning any trips. Those days will come. I’m also not focused on losing weight or getting flat abs. I’m not sure those days will ever come. For now, I’m trying to focus on the incredibly important work of raising two small children, working, nurturing a marriage, and finding some time to be myself. And I can do all of that with some extra weight and a few gray hairs.
Focusing on function not looks
I’m so grateful for this body that allowed me to carry and birth two children. This feels extra special to me, after years of struggling to get and stay pregnant. I’m so grateful I’ve been able to return to exercise with no major setbacks. I know I’m lucky, and I want to feel grateful for that every day. But it’s still hard not to feel distressed when I catch sight of myself in a gym mirror and don’t recognize the reflection as my own. I’m working on it.
Deconstructing what I’ve been taught about thinness and health
As a child of the early 90s, I was bombarded with messages about the obesity epidemic. I learned that fat equaled unhealthy. But the truth is a lot more nuanced than that. Research shows that there’s a broader range of healthy weights. BMI is not the best marker of health as it was once believed. I’ve read books and listened to podcasts about the Health At Every Size Movement and anti-fatness. I made time to see my primary care provider for an annual physical to check for reliable markers of health like cholesterol and blood pressure.
Learning to dress this body
Not only do my pre-baby clothes not fit, but the styles I used to wear don’t always look that great or feel comfortable anymore. They also don’t fit my new lifestyle of working from home and being covered by adorable but sticky children. I started following some “midsize” fashion accounts on Instagram. Instead of buying cheap clothes to fit my body now, I use Poshmark to buy secondhand clothes I like. I am not spending money on clothes that might not fit some future body I may have. I am working to find my style as a “cool mom, who is not as young as she thinks she is, but is still cool and not that old”.
Being a role model for my daughters
As much as possible, I want to protect my daughters from putting too much emphasis on their physical appearance. I want to raise them in an environment where they are focused on feeling proud, capable, beautiful, smart, courageous, and kind.
