My son is a rule follower. He knows the rules and wants everyone to follow them. He has cried BEFORE breaking a rule. Having him first gave my husband and me a false sense of security. Sure, he was a picky eater and had some trouble sleeping – but our kid listened and obeyed – clearly, we had this parenting thing down!
Then came Julia, who I will forever refer to as my “destructive cow,” from her first experience in a Christmas pageant. Julia, at the delicate age of 3, knows all the rules, but views them as guidelines that should be bent and twisted to meet her desires. Julia is a rule breaker.
Raising a Rule Breaker feels like an impossible task
I am proof that it can be done. I went to the only expert on raising a rule breaker I know – my mom – and got some of that wisdom that only comes from experience.
Tips for Raising a Rule Breaker
Embrace the Positive Qualities
Julia is independent, self-motivated, smart, a leader, and not afraid to challenge authority. When we go to the library, my 3-year-old is typically directing the play with all the older kids. Great leaders aren’t afraid to challenge the status quo and enjoy it.
Let Your Yes be Yes, and No be No.
My mom said this all the time when I was growing up. There are some things that can be a yes – one more book before bed – yes! However, choose your “no’s” carefully. If there’s a chance for it to be a yes, instead of “no” say “later” or, “not now.” Wavering on a “no” with a rule breaker is like giving them the keys to the candy shop. When it’s firm “no”, stick to it. We recently bought a new car, and my angel threw a fit at the dealership because she did not want her car seat. She wanted to ride in the big seat. This was a firm no – and it was a fight but eventually she got buckled into her seat. I also may have looked like I just ran a marathon – but hey, bonus workout!
Listen
This may seem obvious, but after a day of rule breaking every 2 minutes, it’s really important to remember. Whenever I “break a rule,” I have a reason. My daughter is the same way. She has a reason for what she’s doing, and she loves to hear herself talk. Asking why has opened up a world of understanding for her behavior.
I know there are still many battles ahead, but embracing the fact that I’m raising a rule breaker has at least made a difference in my perspective.
