Every day, every moment is a conscious effort for me to not get sucked into the fear.
There is a battle in my own head very much like the movie “Inside Out”, with opposing voices competing for my attention.
“I love this time with my family.” Two seconds later after the next meltdown… “My family is driving me crazy.”
“This is a beautiful life” to “This is a miserable way to live.”
“My family is healthy and quarantine will help protect my loved ones” to “Is shutting down the economy and isolating humans who are meant to be social really the lesser of two evils?”
7am: “I will eat well and exercise today.” — 7:05am: “Give me that giant bag of peanut butter cups. I’ll lose weight when this is all over but for now, sugar and movies make me feel better.”
The dichotomies I experience in my own head every day are exhausting.
I keep trying to quiet those voices that I do not desire. Right now, social feeds can make that incredibly difficult. Normally in a personal crisis, we go through it on our own or as a family unit. We can look out at the rest of the world carrying on to distract us from our current reality. We thumb through feeds for comic relief, smiling photos, random articles. That’s not always the case right now. In this collective crisis, we are all experiencing many of the same challenges but through different lenses. The content on social media has often become redundant and heavy. It’s no longer an escape. It’s pulling me back into the thoughts stemming from a deep fear that I’m trying so hard to acknowledge and then move past.
There are many times that I struggle to see anything beautiful amidst a virus ravaging the lives and livelihoods of so many people. As a photographer and filmmaker, I use photos and films to helps me process what is going on in the world around me. I use my art to restructure memories in times of struggle to have positive associations, even if we are struggling to get through each day. As the economy starts to take baby steps to open up again, it is so tempting to throw in the towel on social distancing so we can just go back to normal life. We aren’t there yet. We need to continue some version of social distancing for a long time. In an effort to create a place of solace for sharing and receiving joy, I have one thing to ask of you.
Please keep sharing silly memes, beautiful pictures of your family, views of the sunrise.
No matter what we are going through there is beauty within reach. Filling our social feeds with these moments will help make this unusual and difficult time a little lighter.