A Letter to the Friend Who Didn’t Follow Me into Motherhood

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Our old thinking spot
How many trips we made together to this place! So many memories!

Dearest former best friend,

I remember so fondly all the time we spent together, the adventures, the life lessons, the exes, the nights out and the promises we made. We promised always to be friends, “no matter what!” We promised our kids would grow up together and be the best of friends as well.

Somehow, those promises have been broken and our last adventure happened before you had a chance to even meet the little boy who would undoubtedly have called you, “Auntie.” You were supposed to be there. You were supposed to be at my wedding, my baby shower, the hospital when he was born and the days following when I needed you the most. It was your shoulder I was supposed to cry on, 8 weeks later, when I lost my mom. You weren’t there.

I’ll can never really understand. We went from being completely inseparable to running into each other at the grocery store and pretending we didn’t even know each other. We literally saw each other and you turned the other way as if you had never seen me before in your life. But that’s not true! The things we used to do together fill my Facebook memories – pictures and memories flood my timeline of years past.

You stopped calling when I told you I was having a baby and God forbid getting married. You not so politely declined the baby shower invitation and didn’t bother RSVPing to my wedding. My happiest times and you weren’t there.

I had sent some text messages and phone calls that went ignored and unanswered. I used to long for my son to know you and thought he was missing out on something so great, so important. Truth is, he’s better off. He doesn’t need someone who doesn’t want to be here. He deserves nothing but love and to be surrounded by those who love him.

Do I miss you? Sure, I miss what used to be but I have gained so much more than I lost. I don’t wish you anything but happiness, you’ll always have a piece of my heart. I hope you have children of your own someday and realize what happened between us was uncalled for. Most of all, I hope you realize what a great kid you’re missing out on.

People have asked me what I would do if you called and asked to reconcile. I used to think I’d put it all behind me and we’d go back but my mama heart says no. If you decided to exit our life again, how would I explain that to my child? Truth is not all friends are for life, some are for a season. Thank you for the season, thank you for the memories and thank you for teaching me it’s ok to let go.

Most importantly, thank you for exiting my life before my son so I didn’t have to teach him the same lesson when his heart was too little to understand.

Best of luck and all my love,

A mama bear who is better off

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Bethany Jensen
Bethany was born and raised in central Mass but spent about 5 years in Amish Country, Pennsylvania from the ages 3-9. Bethany has worked in the Autism Community for the last 10 years in many different capacities - teachers aid to ABA therapist and most recently finds herself as an Autism Waiver Broker at the Autism Resource Center in Worcester. She and her family love music! Her husband is in a Christian Rock Band that performs all over Massachusetts called, “Faith’s Road.” Bethany sometimes lends her voice to background vocals and her son anxiously awaits the day he’s old enough to join as well! Bethany is a lifelong hockey fan who grew up in the ice rink watching her dad play every Sunday and is also an absolute Boston Bruins Fanatic!

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