Four Ways to Get Over a Divorce

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Photo by Miguel Bruna on Unsplash

Divorce is traumatic, even in the “best” of circumstances. It can take time to process, to heal, to move forward. In all honesty, I have spent the last two years trying to keep my business afloat (and growing) and trying to be the best mom I can be. In the meantime, I haven’t put myself first. And I’ve fallen into some bad habits.

Though I have moved forward in some ways, in other ways I have fallen short. So I’ve resolved to make 2020 the year of ME. The year I finally put myself first. That doesn’t mean I will let my business go or stop being the best mom I can be. Quite the contrary. In fact, putting myself first means moving EVERYTHING forward in a positive way. After all, I can’t take care of others (or other things) unless I take care of myself first.

So, here are four ways I’ve resolved to get over my divorce and get back to loving myself:

Dry January (maybe more?): I recently realized I was using alcohol for comfort. When the 50/50 custody deal first played out, I was still sharing the house with my ex. That meant I was around when it wasn’t “my” day or night… which was hard. I quickly started leaving the house any night that wasn’t “mine.” And I found myself sitting down for one, two, three (or more) glasses of wine while making friends at the bar. Filling my emptiness and sadness.

But that started two years ago. And it’s no longer filling my emptiness or sadness (was it really ever?). I have fallen into this trap at other times in life and have had to press the “reset” button to get back on track. Am I an alcoholic? No. But do I sometimes go through a bad phase? Absolutely. Thankfully, I’ve recognized that it’s time to go dry for a spell.

I am committed to eliminating alcohol for at least one month. To press the “reset” button.

Talk it Out: Seeing a therapist has never been my favorite thing. Don’t get me wrong, I am all about addressing mental health issues. Having struggled with depression and anxiety for the majority of my adult life, I know the importance of mental health. But talking to someone is hard. However, I think I have some deep sadness about my divorce. And I need to learn how to love myself again. How not to blame myself for the failure of my marriage.

I am committed to seeking the help of a professional to talk out my innermost feelings in order to heal. 

Move My Body: Sweating it out might be one of the best ways for me personally to feel good. Endorphins are real, my friends! Prior to my divorce I worked out 5-6 times a week and was in the best shape of my life. I felt great physically and mentally. So this year, I am jumping back in. Pass the towel!

I am committed to 3-5 workouts per week based on how my body is feeling.

Fuel My Body: In addition to alcohol, I’ve “allowed” myself to eat whatever I want. I’ve most certainly been using food as a comfort. But the truth is that it’s making me feel like crap! Just like alcohol, food does not take away my sadness or emptiness. It does not soothe me. It just makes me feel gross. Enough is enough.

I am committed to fueling my body with things that make me feel good in the long run.

Divorce is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to endure. But I will no longer let that be an excuse to drink in excess, eat garbage, skip my workouts, and ignore the grieving process. I will no longer put myself last. So cheers to 2020 and cheers to ME (for once)!

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Arielle was born on the North Shore of Massachusetts. While she grew up in the neighboring Granite State, she ran quickly back to Massachusetts for college. After the birth of her daughter, she became a self-proclaimed “sleep geek” and has since made it her mission to help families get the rest they need to live a happier, healthier life. Her company Expect to Sleep Again Sleep Consulting offers online courses, 1:1 sleep consultations with her team of consultants across the United States and Canada. In 2019, she launched Dream School Consultant Training Program through which she is teaching others to follow their passion for baby sleep and helping others. In addition to sleep, she loves spending as much time by the beach as possible, and lots of time with family and friends. Arielle is devoted to sharing the realness and rawness of motherhood, with lots of laughs, support, and fun in between. She lives in Sterling with her five-year-old daughter and eight-year-old longhaired dachshund.

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